Sunday, March 27, 2011


   I am not good at talking. My presentation about arthritis (well it was really more about my pain syndrome, since that's what the diagnosis was at the time...) flat out stunk. Everyone said it was good, but I wish I could change lots of things about it. Like the way my voice was shaking the whole time. I was fearful of the world knowing what I am going through. Obviously, I am no longer fearful.
   I hate the way I almost cried when I was thanking my friends and my language arts teacher, along with all my other teachers. Being the over-thinker that I am, I spent the whole day wondering why I almost cried. Now I know why.
   I almost cried because I can never give anyone enough. I can never thank Dana enough for all the times she sat by me. I can never thank my language arts teacher enough for her email which read 'I am here for you, now and always.'. I can never thank my social studies teacher enough for all the times she hugged me and told me that she's there for me. I can never thank my rheumatologist enough for believing my pain even when his colleagues had different ideas.
   Simply saying thank you is just not good enough. As I thanked my science teacher for bubbling my answers on the benchmarks in the hallway a few days ago, I realized that she'll never know how much it meant to me. How much it meant that she would give up some of her time so that the ordinary kid with arthritis didn't have to go through all the pain.
  Long story short, I was presented with an opportunity to be recognized, and I very much dislike being recognized.
   I am scared of not being recognized for all of my faults. What about the stubborn me? I don't want other kids with arthritis to read it and think, 'Oh, that kid has arthritis, she's so brave, she's not scared. She's one of those perfect people who can go through anything.'. I don't want it to seem all Cinderella, fairy-tale like. Because quite frankly, it's not. Cinderella never did anything wrong. She wasn't stubborn, she never complained, and she got lucky a lot. Cinderella raises the bar for life a ton. Apparently you're supposed to be visited by a fairy godmother and then fall in love with a prince at a ball.
   Anyway, I'd rather other kids with physical challenges know that everyone gets scared, that everyone worries, and that it is hard. I want them to know that there are other people like them out there.
     I saw the original The Karate Kid movie. It was long and I was tired, but I got through it. Honestly, my attention span is not long enough. I learned a lot from that movie though. I learned that even though it didn't seem like he was learning anything, he was. Maybe arthritis will be like that. I also learned that people who shape mini tree things, fix bikes and faucets, and climb over fences well into adulthood are pretty cool. I don't think that was the point though...



  1. Do you make this up as you go or do you plan it all out? Because it seems like it's planned.
    And I'm glad someone saw the original version of the Karate Kid and not the stupid new one because the originals are usually better in some way.

  2. I write them over the course of a couple days, but most of it comes to my mind in a sequential order so no planning is needed.
    Yay for original karate kid fans!

  3. IKR!!...i love the original version of the karate kid!! =)

  4. more people should know life isn't a fairy tale!

    love ya,


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