Tuesday, June 14, 2011

You Hit Rachel

   It's summer! Am I excited? No. Am I completely bummed because I love all of my friends so much and I won't get to see them as much now that school is over? Yes.
   My arthritis is getting really annoying. Like seriously though. Could it ever just decide, Oh, look, Rachel's having fun at a pool party, could we just have a little mercy on her knees today? Well, the answer is apparently No. I have to say, I'm a little disappointed. 
   I am eager to watch my first summer with bad arthritic pain unfold. Maybe eager is the wrong word. I am not the excited type of eager but more the curious type of eager. In about a month I will have had JRA for a year. That seems like such a long time! It doesn't feel that long. Then again, nothing ever feels that long. I am so sad that school is over. I would do anything to do this year over, even with all my arthritic struggles.
   I'm seriously wondering whether I should throw a birthday party for my arthritis. It's like a really annoying, sometimes mean friend to me. It has taught me so much though. It's taught me how to live, how to think, how to act, and how to accept things without adjusting to them. I'm sort of thankful for it, though I would tell you otherwise if I were in one of my worst days right now. So I probably won't. 
   I have been pondering lately if I am more of a burden to my friends than I am worth. I think this is probably true, but I don't think anyone will admit it. All of my friends are way too kind.
   There used to be this phenomenon going on at school where whenever something would hit me or anything everyone would go, "You hit Rachel!" This used to happen all the time. Basketballs, soccer balls, erasers, markers, food, whatever. People must think I'm fragile. Which is sort of true. When I'm in bad arthritic pain, people try to hug me, which in turn hurts my back even more.
   I always respond with, "I'm fine, really." because I always am fine and nobody ever believes that I'm fine. It honestly never hurts, and if it does only for a second.
   "I'm sooooooo sorry!"
   "It's okay, it didn't hurt, really."
   "Are you sure?"
   "I'm sure,"
   "Positive?"
   "Positive,"
   "Oh, I'm so sorry!"
   "It's fine, really. It didn't hurt. I don't care."
   I do have to say that it's sweet how much everyone looks after me. Even the most misbehaved kids worry about me when I get hit with things. It's funny and sweet and I swear you can almost see the threads that knit me and all of my peers together.
   There I go, talking about school again. It's probably pretty obvious that I miss it. I would give anything to do this year over again. If I knew then what I know now about my arthritis, I would've been more demanding.
   I am getting way overly stubborn. I was at the pool with one of my friends. Being the caring person that she is, she kindly ordered me not to jump into the pool as she knew it would hurt my joints. "Rachel, do not jump in. It's going to hurt. I don't want you to get hurt." She said. I thought it would probably hurt, too. Still, I was not satisfied with the feeling of being controlled so as soon as she wasn't looking I jumped into the pool. Let me tell you, it hurt.

Love,
Rachel 
   

4 comments:

  1. Haha um those quotes (not really quotes I guess but whatever) sound just like me and u after the stepping on the foot incident. I'm dead serious it didn't hurt!!!
    ILY see u soon!

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  2. Yeah, I guess it kind of works in reverse too, because I guess I am over apologetic. I know you say it didn't hurt but I'm still skeptical.

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  3. Hahaha you are really stubborn! but its not a bad thing :p

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  4. hmmmmm just like the time u were there with me and didnt tell me all the things u couldnt do????:) and u r NOT a pain we love u!!!!!!!

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