Saturday, July 30, 2011

A Poem of Thanks

   I originally wrote this poem to my rheumatologist (in February, when I was pleased with my treatment program), but a lot of it also applies to everyone who has helped me in my struggles with arthritis, including my teachers, friends, physical therapists, doctors, blog-readers, family, and millions more.


  
I cried and you,
Comforted me,
I screamed and you,
Heard me,
I pleaded and you,
Listened.

The night before,
I cried,
No one could,
Truly understand,
The pain and,
The hurt.

I only knew,
The darker path,
You provided,
A sanctuary,
Of healing and,
Of truth.

Thank you isn’t,
Nearly enough,
Because when I was lost,
You pulled me out,
When I grow up,
I’ll be like you.

No one explained it,
Without me feeling,
Utterly crushed,
But you provided,
Hope and a future,
To a sick little girl.

Soon I’ll feel better,
Because you cared,
You found the reason,
When no one else could,
My gratitude for you,
Will never cease.

I cried happy tears and you,
Kept on talking,
I laughed and you,
Laughed with me,
I smiled and you,
Smiled. 

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Range of Thought

  My range of motion is improving greatly with my muscle relaxer. I have also started biofeedback, and I find it interesting as well as beneficial.
   I was thinking about my range of motion and then thought about what my range of thought is. I can go from feeling so happy to very distraught and upset. Not quickly, but gradually. Is it better to have a larger range of thought or not? I cannot seem to decide. I guess it depends on where your range of thought is. If it's from like Under-the-Weather to Depressed, then that's not good, but what if it's like Satisfied to Ecstatic? Is that better? Would we really be humans, really have hearts if our range of thought was not larger than that?
   How could we see the needs of everyone else if we were always happy? Could we really watch clips about starving children and neglected animals and still be happy? Sure, those clips don't have to affect your whole mood, but if they don't touch your heart your range of thought might be a little too high. How could we ever learn? A bigger range of thought brings lessons, understanding, and hope.
   I took full advantage of the swing set while I was on vacation. It was such a lovely moment - the sky beginning to darken, the clouds drifting overhead. Three little boys who were playing on the playground as well were burying their feet in the sand. I felt as if I was flying but experienced a limited amount of pain. It was the most movement I've ever had without excruciating pain. I thought, I could stay here forever and be perfectly happy...Then No. I opened my eyes immediately. I could not stay there forever and be perfectly happy. That was a selfish type of happy; good to indulge in every once and awhile but unhealthy if one stays too long. It is okay to have these moments but then we must stop the swing, rejuvenated and ready to take on harder tasks.
   Happiness is only recognized if sorrow is felt. Otherwise, happiness is more like numbness. If we are always happy, we do not take enough chances and make enough mistakes.
   Hurting is part of being human. We're all going to hurt physically and emotionally at some point, and if we don't we obviously haven't summoned up the strength, courage, and humility to learn lessons to make a difference.

Love,
Rachel