Monday, June 4, 2012

Script and Sculpt

   I'm so sorry for not blogging for awhile. We had a lot going on. Sort of. I suppose that I still could have blogged.
   My two favorite words in the whole wide word are probably "script" and "sculpt". Obviously, I love the "pt" sound and the unfinished look of the words. I love how deceptive the word script can be. It's as if everything is planned, but every human knows that nothing ever goes exactly as planned. And then sculpt. It's so beautiful because it's hands-on art. You know, I can't really explain exactly what I like about that word. But I really, really like it.
   I've actually been getting excited lately! Even though it was only about visiting a children's museum, maybe things are changing. Maybe I'm changing. My joints have been worse in the past couple of days, but I've been happier. Positivity, much?
   I really cannot stand it when people don't have vegetarian options, or when their vegetarian options are terrible. Like, "Have this apple, it doesn't have meat." (I do really love apples, but they need to have something related to the meat dish, like veggie dogs or veggie burgers or non-meat sauce or something.) People can be so inconsiderate. Then some freaks say, "Here, try a piece of meat and see what happens!"
I do not want to try meat. I'm not a teenager going through a phase. I've been a vegetarian since I was seven years old and felt bad for the chicken in my chicken nuggets. It's been more than a few years, and I'm pretty sure a lot of it has to do with my stubbornness. I can say with absolute confidence that I am and always will be a vegetarian. 
   We had our End-Of-Year Formal recently. All of my friends and I put on pretty dresses and did our makeup and hair and all and then it turns out the dance was completely dark with colorful, spinning lights and loud. I was not amused, but everyone else seemed to have fun. 
    First of all, in every one of my classes I'm in a seat where I can see almost everybody. The largest number of people I can't see is in chorus and strings class, where I can't see like one or two people. Even that drives me a little insane sometimes. I have to be able to observe. I would consider myself both an observer and an engager, so don't ask me which one I am. I like to know where people are, who they're with, and what they're doing. Otherwise my stress level skyrockets. That's coming from someone who pretty much never gets stressed.
    Second of all, I avoid specific restaurants that are loud. My family knows this too. There are places they try to go only without me based solely on the noise and activity level. I like a quiet but still busy atmosphere. 
    So there I am at the dance, sitting outside in one of the little circular tables talking to a few of my friends. People kept coming out and asking me why I wasn't dancing and I just replied, "That is NOT my environment." They probably all think I'm crazy, a teenager who doesn't enjoy dark places with seizure-inducing lights and a bunch of people cramming into each other. 
    The end of the year is quickly approaching. I'm not very sad about it. I feel almost ready to move on. There are only two classes that I know I'll miss. And I still have the memories. Plus, me and my friends have a pretty darn good system for if we start to feel sad. We're just going to think about this one terrible class and BAM! we'll be happy again. 
    I have played so much guitar lately. It's probably going to kill me one of these days. 
    There are so many good-byes and thank-yous that I have yet to save, even this late in the year. Three words: cards and letters. Talking is not my thing and it's not worth trying because I have great assurance that it won't work. 
    I think the main key to living a happy life with chronic pain is just to get up. It's not worth staying cramped up in your house all day and wasting the days away. Get out there and help yourself and others. Pack food bags for homeless people and drive around and give them out and talk to people. Or just go to the mall to get yourself moving. Go to church regularly or as much as you can. Even just get up and cook a super-nice meal. It's all about not sitting around and sulking in the pain. 
    Rule #1 of Being in Chronic Pain:
    Never let the monster take over. 
    After all, losing isn't nearly as fun as winning. 



  1. I sent an email to you. Had I had internet when I was your age, I would have created a blog as well. This post is from an "old timer" who has had JRA all of my life (diagnosed at 9 years of age but remember the pain and fatique from 3 years of age) I am now 58 years of age.

    You stay strong, dear Rachel. This malady can be managed.

  2. I can relate as well: Not the vegetarian part, but of the school dances. I've been to a few, but my favourite experience was my freshman year Spring Fling. I hated it, I didn't want to go back to one: It was like a night club! The thing about it though was not only was it a loud place, but rather vulgar. I won't go into detail, of course, but it was not atmosphere for schoolkids between the ages of 14 and 16, which the dance was for.
    It's quite alright to not like that sort of thing, please don't feel discouraged! Maybe next time you could go to the movies or something you like? A lot of kids do that, and I do too.


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