Monday, June 10, 2013

Two Hours and Fifteen Minutes

     What kind of first-time rheumatology visit starts at 3:40? Don't labs usually close at 6? How in the world are we going to get everything done with so little time? 3:40 is so late for a first-time rheumatology appointment. I don't even know what to think about it.
     I have been to this hospital before, where I had a not-so-great rheumatologist. I was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis there. They promised me they were as sure as they could possibly be about my diagnosis, then retracted it a few weeks later. When I was diagnosed, I got all sorts of fun things. They gave me a whole backpack, which my family now refers to as the "arthritis backpack", and a pen that looks like a syringe. I got tons of pamphlets and amusing trinkets. It is sort of to make you feel better, I guess, after you've been diagnosed with a life-altering and incurable disease. While no material possessions can stop the ache of being chronically ill, I did appreciate the fun things. I have a feeling this appointment will not involve any fun things.
     I've got to stop thinking about it, or I will go crazy. Or maybe I already am. Not even a swingset could cure this kind of panic, and that is saying a lot. 
      I like to listen to music while I'm in the shower (and sing along, that is a must) so I turn my phone on shuffle. Then I put it in this giant can I have (don't ask, it's very odd) as a makeshift speaker and hop in the shower and jam out. Yesterday morning, the first song that came on the shuffle was "Unwell" by Matchbox 20. The lyrics are, "I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell / I know right now you can't tell / but stay awhile and maybe then you'll see / a different side of me." My plan is the break into this song during the appointment if it is suggested that everything is in my head, as it often is with chronically ill patients. I'm totally kidding.
      As far as I can remember, the waiting room at the hospital I'm going to is pretty nice, with high-tech little play computers and colors and it is big and open. I'm pretty sure there are more glass walls than opaque walls, which is always nice. I love to be able to see outside. It is a perfect reminder that my world is much, much more than hospitals.
      I really don't feel the need to make this post any longer, so I'm just going to end it here.  I have about three hours and fifteen minutes until my appointment. 3:40 is coming way too fast.


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